Thursday, December 31, 2009

2009 That It Was...

To my readers, pardon the crazy bitch who posted her comment on my previous blog. Im not sure if she has lunacy issues, but that wouldnt have to spoil my New Year's Day, dont you think?

But before 2009 ends, I have to do the rundown of the year that was. The year that was so effed up. I think, this will be the last time I will look back and promise never to turn around anymore. After all, a New Year counts for a new beginning. :)

- January, we hoped to have a better year for us. To stop our fights, and be better individuals again. My Ate Lory got married with Kuya Kent so the whole family went to Iloilo after New Year's Day. Finally met KC, my niece, whom I havent seen for years. Covered the Fortune CARE-Supreme Court contract signing. Got active with the company's website.

- February, was my first time to step on Mindanao soil. Went to Davao with the ex and Jon and stayed with the Isidro Family. They caught me a starfish, which I brought home, attended the Panagbenga Festival at Baguio with Mom and Dad, discovered the Tam-awan Village, spent my last Valentine's day with him and the last with the CCD Team.

-March, I looked for a car for the ex and named it, attended Nina and Deo's wedding, resigned at Fortune CARE, Ninang Winnie visited the Philippines with her whole family, night out to Serendra.

- April, went to Seaside and a comedy bar with Mom's college friends, attended the last Auto Show with him and the ex's dad at World Trade, went to Punta Fuego, Sir Melan passed the Bar exams, spent my last month at Fortune CARE and transferred to RCBC Savings, staged my first car display at Cavite, went on an outing with my CCD Family at Antipolo.

- May, Andi turned one, jogged at Ultra and saw Rovilson. :P, Avi turned three, participated at the CosmoYouniverse, celebrated the last anniversary, Kstin went home from the States, night out at The Fort but didnt even got to party at Embassy (LOL) because of different issues, Maro, my HS bff gave birth to Gabby, attended the Makati Day Parade,

- June, Lola Elba died, met Lea Sophia, Len's daughter, participated in the Ako Mismo advocacy, got so busy with the Two Way Giveaway Shoot, Tito Rodel passed away.

- July, my first time in Eastwood, got to be the ninang of my two bff's babies, Mico and Sophie visited from Cebu, Harru Potter and the Half Blood Prince was shown, BDJ Rendezvous

- August, Tito Rodel's 40th day, Car display at Eastwood via eurofest, reunion with Karch and Jops

- September, my 24th birthday, the sucky breakup, did the Lipa Car Display and spent 4 days there, went to the Manila Intl Book Fair alone, RSB's 13th Anniversary, Dad got home again, the Ondoy tragedy.

- October, did the event for the Housing Brokers, RSB unveiled the RSB Corporate Center and attended the groundbreaking ceremonies, joined Miss Che and friends to the gym, went to the Samsung Corby launch with Jet and Karch and saw their potential :P, AUTOBERFEST!!!!, BDJ Fair.

- November, went to Nasugbu to attend the RCBC RBG Planning, stopover at Caleruega, BONUS galore!!, this time, I thought of myself first than my feelings, reunited with Ryan after three years, met up Eden and Shang more often and met Ted, Shang's pet. LOL, nursed a broken heart, ex came back for unknown reasons, met Chie in flesh, went to the Manila Auto Salon, Maguindanao Massacre

- December, went to FC to celebrate MST's birthday, Mom and Dad's Silver Anniversary, joined an outreach program for my exchange gift baby's request, first Christmas with the RSB family, FIRST SUCKY CHRISTMAS, got dumped, lied, cheated at, AGAIN, finally met up with Bessie Jonnah after two years, Mench and I went to the Meralco Christmas Village

Pretty much sums up everything. 2009 has been a roller coaster ride. As I move forward, these memories, good and bad, I will cherish, but will be put into the past for now. After all, the new year ahead hopes to bring a fresh start for those who thrive to have one. And tomorrow promises a great future. Because I always believed that those who went through so much pain, will be rewarded to go up because they deserve it.

Happy New Year Everyone! Never lose hope :)

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Because We All Need to Bounce Back to Our Awesome Selves.


I woke up this morning and realized that everything is different. No more goodmornings in my phone, no more missed calls, and no more trace of him. But then, it felt light. That I was beginning to snap back to my usual self and programmed in my brain that even though we wasted those three years, it is more important to know the real reason I love and live.

So before I truly say goodbye, I needed to accept the fact that I have been shortchanging myself for so long. I used to be the girl who would fight for her friends when I first hear their boyfriends cheating on them or bullying them. Even he would get mad at me for meddling on other's affairs. I am always the one who signs up to beat the crap out of the assholes in the world. I used to plot out the perfect revenge to girls who wrecks out a relationship. Then one day, I was one of them.

HE CHEATED ON ME. TWICE.
And the worst part is, I was stupid to accept his faults. That I thought when he said he would change and wanted to be with me, he means it with all his heart. When he said that we will move on together, I had a foolproof plan to make it all work. And so I changed. I was willing to forgive him. But when I thought we were moving on together, he would accuse me of turning into this paranoid bitch again. He would question my efforts and tells me that I am not capable of change. So when he told me that he will meet the other woman to clear things with her, I was so ecstatic because I thought he was willing to work it out with me. I trusted that he would do the right thing and do the things he was telling me every single day. I did not say so much as a peep when he met up with her because I wanted to show him that I trusted him. And he would go back wholly, better and more confident of how he feels about me. I guess I disappointed myself in the process.

FOREVER AND EVER, HON.
His forever and ever is worth a text. When he wanted to clear things with the other woman, he decided to meet up with her. But my worth, is an unlimited call and text Sun line, without the embellishments. "Let me go, and I will let you go", that he told me. I was worth a one liner. I have never been given the chance to say all the things I needed to say to him. How he hurted my feelings, or how I wanted to slap him just to compensate for the fact that despite I gave him my all, I will be rewarded with so much heartache. But as one of the books I read said, I don't need to yell at him and give so much credit for ruining my life.

MY HAPPY ENDING.
One song said "endings are beginnings of beautiful things". So as long as I have hope in my heart, I know my beginning will blossom into something good, if not great. Maybe my happy ending is someone who doesnt bully me or tells me that I could not dress up in clothes I wanted to wear unless I shed some weight. He will be someone who understands how bubbly I am and gets so attached to novels and romantic movies. That I am the one who translates every song lyrics to my life and to how I am. He will give me flowers not because I obliged him and made parinig that Valentine's day is nearing, but because he knows that even though no single flower could amount to my love, I deserve to be treated special. Someone who is willing to sit in a movie theater with me if I wanted to watch a horror film and hold my hand whenever I feel scared, just so to tell me that I will not be alone. And someone to tell me that all these, are made to feel that a girl should be put into pedestal instead of being called childish.

My happy ending is at 27, I will get married and start a family.

But for now, the best is yet to come. The possibilities for me are endless. Maybe I dont need a man today. That being with the people you love is enough for you to be happy. That you would rather to be alone and happy, than feel committed but slowly dying.

So come 2010, I know it will rock. I will rock because I'm exceptionally fabulous. :) In a few days, a better Ria is ready to be unveiled.

Happy New Year everyone! Don't forget to wear your heart in your sleeve. It will come in handy. And never lose hope. Tomorrow is another day to feel great. :)

Friday, December 25, 2009

Saddest Christmas Ever

I dont want to explain for now. I just wanted to rant. I know that some people are homeless and they probably dont have food in their tables during the holidays, but I just wanted my Christmas to be happy but I got the opposite instead.

And the worst part is, I believed in him when he said that I will have a Merry Christmas. I guess its still the same old story. But Im better than this. I will not succumb to any more games. He may ruin this now, but I will snap out of it. Now that I have a lined up date after the Christmas break.

Im just glad I made the other phone call. That way it did not thoroughly dampened my Christmas.Suddenly, I felt whole again. That even though he's far away for now and visiting his parents at his province, he snapped me out of my loneliness. :)

And I will be better. If not this Christmas, there's still New Year's. And I promise myself that the first day of the coming year will be great. I will not be the yoyo anymore. And he will be very sorry for consuming my patience.

Happy holidays everyone. :)

Friday, December 18, 2009

Oh hey, we meet again... :)

I missed blogging.

Way back in college, blog seems to be the second best resort in shouting out my feelings aside from talking to my best-est friends. Now, I just have friends, the real ones, and my blog seemed to be neglected because so far, my life has drastically changed. It has dropped from one end to another, one minute its up, and before I know it, I am back on the exact place again.

Now, things have changed. DEFINITELY. I have been forced to change. I needed to prove everyone that the recent trials made me stronger. And it really did. I tried moving on. My support system were definitely with me all throughout my endeavors. And I'm just so grateful.

I've learned. But the thing is, my heart never stopped beating for him.

I moved on, but one gust of wind pushed me back to him.

I can never be sure what will happen now, but maybe, just maybe, we both deserve to start anew. Maybe we see our future with one another, and maybe we will spend our forever and ever, despite all the pain.

********************************

Three years, and still, it never fails.

Three years, and still the same old phase.

His friend Migs said that maybe third time's a charm..maybe...

But how will I know if I will not risk it.

I'm friggin' wonderwoman. And here I go again, just like Demi Lovato sang. :)

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Here We Go Again..

I have that song blaring in my head all week.

I was trying to get over him. I was walking away and the traces of my footsteps were nowhere to be found, but then one call. One phonecall changed everything. I dont know what will happen next, but I'll let God lead me to the path where I am needed the most.

Ze Guy Friend called me last night. He said he was drinking. No, not because of me ha. :P He's trying to get some sleep daw. And because we havent talked for days, except for a text, he decided to call my number. He said that he saw our Manila Autoshow pictures and asked me why I didnt bother to tell him so he could go with me. I just answered that its me and my ex's thing. A flat out answer. I'm not sure if he was taken aback, but since he was so busy that week, I didnt invite him. Not that I want to, but I need him to man up if he really wants to go with me. I want him to do the asking. But anyway, he was nice last night that I didnt dare question when he said he missed talking to me and hearing my voice. Hahaha!

*******************************

Now Im confused. Im confused because someone is asking to get back into my heart. The heart I tried closing. But Im okay. I'm happy for now. I can finally clear things to him and not argue like cats and dogs. I dont know what would happen, but I can only hope for the best. :)

And yeah, I still feel the same way, even after three years have already passed. I just hope I can be truly happy. With no more pain and ache. No more pricking in my heart but pure bliss. :)

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